Are you haunted with your past?

Are you haunted with your past?
We all have past experiences, some pleasant, others distasteful. It takes guts to go through painful events and still be on top, knowing that our past has a way of conditioning our PRESENT & FUTURE STATE.
This chapter is targeted at those who have flash backs of the wrong deeds done to them by others, reminding them to seek reconciliation (if possible), get help (where necessary) and move on with a purpose for living.
The past is a build up or number of various events that occurred at a certain point in time.
Your experiences of the past could be
memorable bringing you a sense of warmth,
happiness, building up your energy levels etc. On the flip side, the experiences could be painful, remorseful, horrifying etc, haunting you each time your mind wanders away, recalling such events.

My aim is to provide a few useful tips to help you deal with the negative past experiences. It doesn’t guarantee that you will forget the past(I doubt if that’s possible), but it’s worth reading.
Haunting pasts could be as a result of our upbringing, broken relationships, betrayal, fear, violence, emotional abuse, failures, risks, going through a divorce, bitterness, wrong choices, bad judgments ... (the list is endless).
Here are my suggestions for dealing with haunting pasts:
What’s Haunting You?
In order to identify the negative events that creep in to your mind, when it’s least expected, you need to answer the following questions:
What are these events exactly? Is it worth all the stress and fuss you’ve put up with?
Can you trace when it started becoming an issue? Have you been affected in anyway physically, mentally,
spiritually, financially, emotionally.......? When does it manifest itself?
Has it gone beyond the point of reconciliation? Freedom
Can you let it go? Try as much as possible to release these fears and get the benefits of emotional freedom.

Relax
You need to relax in order to reduce your levels of anxiety and worry. Your mind may suddenly wander away into past events, causing sleepless nights, poor diets, frequent headaches, etc. It’s important to take things one day at a time. In order to gain control of your emotions and be productive wherever you find yourself, resting can’t be overlooked. Take time out to sleep properly, laze around, listen to music or have some form of leisure activity. This should raise your energy levels and make you fit for the day.
Display confidence
Always feel good about who you are (positively), where you are now and display confidence about what to look forward to in the future. Avoid excessive self criticism because over time, constant negative feelings result in negative affirmations.
Communicate Properly
This is very important because it promotes understanding, carries people along, puts the message you are trying to pass across in the right context.... You need to express yourself and communicate all that’s on your mind in an appropriate manner. Where there is a tendency to act irrational, you need to exercise a bit of self discipline and pull yourself together although it may appear difficult considering the circumstances involved; but it is important. Communication breakdown may cause slight misunderstandings with various parties and this could be your colleagues at work, friends, families, subordinates etc.

Rise up to the challenge
The negative events of the past often create tough challenges for your present day. There’s always a feeling of wishing the past away, regret, blame because our current circumstances. In order to rise above the level of being constantly haunted by the past mistakes, decisions, feelings etc.,you need to rise up to the challenge of staying strong through the difficult periods. You can’t change the past, because that’s happened, but you can shape your future by dealing with the current challenges of life positively. You can build; get motivated by changing the way you see the future.
Share Your Feelings
Don’t be scared of sharing your feelings/anxieties with trusted friends, family or professionals.
Stop Living in Self Denial
There is a strong tendency to want to live in self denial, denying the existence of the events, pain and wishing the haunting past will fade way.
Think Of The Future

Let your thoughts of the future be memorable, motivating and encouraging. Work towards the picture you’ve set for yourself for the future.
Take Action
Do something positive. Make a move in the right direction. Take the right steps and make some very tough decisions to relieve you of the past. These decisions must be justified and may include reducing your alcohol limits, losing contact with a few friends, breaking free from certain relationships. Being proactive helps to repair/build your self esteem. Go back to areas where you have experienced failure and TRY AGAIN.
Positive Thinking
If there’s anything you need to do, it’s to change your way of thinking. Be optimistic and look on the bright side of life. Resolve to deal with the negative thoughts that try to take charge of your mind.
Pray
The ability to surrender all to God through praying is awesome. Prayer apart from being therapeutic, it is also very spiritual knowing God’s grace is available to bring healing spiritually, mentally, emotionally.
Deal With The Shame/Guilt
Many times we feel guilty due to negative events of the past. Guilt is a painful feeling of regret and responsibility for one’s actions, shame is a painful feeling about oneself as a person. In order to deal with the past that haunts we need to deal with the shame/guilt that occupies our minds and seemingly weigh us down.

Learn From Your Experience
Think about what’s happened in the past; how you can prevent some events from occurring again and how you can improve on various actions you’ve taken which eventually lead to a positive outcome. In carrying out this exercise, avoid being to critical of yourself, but rather reflect on all that you’ve learnt.
Develop Your Self-Efficacy
Self efficacy simply believes you are able to perform in a certain manner in order to attain specific goals and make life meaningful. Self efficacy is built up over time by responding positively to challenges with actions, motivation and persistence. Researchers suggest self- efficacy can be increased by setting realistic goals, having mentors, living a life of purpose and through positive affirmation.
Condition your thoughts
Most times, you can’t face challenges because you are drowned in negative thoughts. If you approach the past with pessimism, there is a possibility of making wrong decisions arriving at erroneous judgements. Accept it’s normal to feel hurt and allow time bring healing to you.
Be strong and confident

Learning to handle difficulties in a matured manner equips you with the appropriate mindset to see things moving in a positive direction. You are able to deal with challenges this way because you refuse to allow pessimism cloud your thoughts. Being strong requires determination, decisiveness and the will power to keep your focus on the results you intend to achieve from dealing with the past.
Repent Of Your Actions
Realize you have hurt someone, be totally remorseful, seek forgiveness and avoid repeating such actions (whatever it is).
Try Reconciling
This step should be taken with caution. Reconciliation means, coming to together to reach a compromise in order to resolve issues or difficulties that may exist with anyone. It is very difficult to come to a place of peace, understanding and tranquillity when it comes to resolving the past issues that haunt us but maturity is displayed when you resolve your differences even if it means you going separate ways, enforcing discipline or minimizing your levels of contact.
Build Positive Relationships
In the context of friendship, if you’ve developed trust with certain individuals and isn’t scared to discuss private matters with a fear of being judged or getting disappointed, go ahead. Sharing your experiences with a network of trusted friends could provide huge benefits, enhance your level of reasoning and expand your horizon. There are several approaches to resolving different issues and you can learn from the experience of others. I believe sound counsel could reduce stress levels and bring about happiness. Be around people you are accountable to, who won’t be afraid to speak up when you are going down the route of disaster.