How to Cope with Loss and Pain

How to Cope with Loss and Pain
When you lose someone or something very precious to you, the grief can be intense. Pain, sad memories, and unanswered questions can haunt you. You may even feel that you'll never be the same - that you'll never laugh or be whole again. Take heart - though there is no way to grieve without pain, there are healthy ways to grieve which allow you to constructively move forward. Don't settle for a life drained of joy - work through your loss and, slowly but surely, you will get better.
Face the loss. After a serious loss, we sometimes want to do something - anything - to dull the pain. Submitting to a harmful habit like drug use, alcohol abuse, oversleeping, Internet overuse, or wanton promiscuity threatens your well-being and leaves you vulnerable to addiction and further pain. You'll never truly heal until you confront the loss. Ignoring the pain caused by the loss or sedating yourself with distractions will only work for so long - no matter how fast you run from it, eventually, your grief will overtake you. Confront your loss. Allow yourself to cry or grieve in another way that feels natural. Only by first acknowledging your grief can you begin to defeat it.
 When a loss is fresh in your memory, your grief deserves your full attention. However, you should draw a line on prolonged grieving. Give yourself a period of time - perhaps a few days to a week - to be profoundly sad. Protracted wallowing

ultimately keeps you stuck in your sense of loss, paralyzed by self-pity and unable to move forward.

Let your pain out. Let the tears flow. Never be afraid to cry, even if it's not something you usually do. Realize that there is no right or wrong way to feel pain or to express it. What is important is that you recognize the pain and try to work through it. How you do so is entirely up to you and will vary from person to person.

•   Find an outlet for your pain. If you're compelled to do a certain activity as you grieve, do it (provided it doesn't involve hurting yourself or others.) Crying, pummeling the pillow, going for a long run, throwing things out, going for a long drive, screaming at the top of your lungs in a forest or other solitary place, and sketching your memories are just some of the ways that different people find outlets for their pain. All are equally valid.
  
•   Avoid doing anything that might result in harm to yourself or to others. Loss isn't about inflicting harm or making things worse. Loss is a time for learning how to draw on your inner emotional reserves and learning how to cope with pain.
  Share your feelings with others. It's healthy to seek out people who will take care of you when you're suffering. If you can't find a friend, lean on a compassionate stranger or a priest, counselor, or therapist. Even if you feel that you're rambling, confused and uncertain, talking to someone you trust is one form of allowing yourself to start dumping out some the pain you're experiencing. See talk as a form of "sorting" your emotions - your thoughts don't need to be coherent or reasoned. They just need to be expressive.

 If you're worried others listening to you might be confused or upset by what you're saying, a simple warning up front can alleviate this concern. Just let them know you're feeling sad, upset, confused, etc., and that, although some of the words you say aren't going to make sense, you appreciate having someone listen. A caring friend or supporter won't mind.